Meditating.

I love the peaceful sound of silence.

Some thoughts on meditation, and living in the present.

I've been meditating every day since last July. Most days I do ten minutes on the Headspace app. Some days I don't want to, but I make myself do it, and I feel better for having done it. I really do believe in having daily rituals, dailies if you will (any WoW fans out there?), that are meant for personal growth. This can be physically, mentally, or spiritually. In this case, for me, it's a bit of mental and spiritual.

I have had a hard time letting go of things in the past. I also struggle with worrying about the future. Most people do. This isn't exactly a unique phenomenon. However, I will say I've had crippling and debilitating self-esteem issues and that's been one of the major reasons why I started meditating. I needed to do something positive for me, to begin self-love.

Frankly, I thought I'd be a brand new person within 30 days. But time and time again I've come to realize that all the negative self talk, all the mean things I've said to myself, it takes time to change. It may take me years. At this point, I acknowledge that this is something I'll need to work on every day for the rest of my life. I'm okay with this because I have noticed a difference. I'm a lighter person, and happier person, but it doesn't mean I don't get upset or depressed. It still happens to me. But at least now I have tools to combat them.

Even writing this is therapeutic.

If anyone's struggling out there, and reading this, my suggestion is universal and I think applies to everyone: love yourself. Fall in love with who you are. I often feel I am not good enough for anyone. Slowly, I've learned that's all bullshit, and it's negative self talk. It's not true.

I'm special because I'm me. You're special because you're you. We're all unique. We need to embrace that. Even making this site, I want to make a brand, and make this something big, if it's possible. That's the dream, right? But really, one of the main reasons I created this site, this brand, is because I want to embrace my love for myself. I've always loved writing, and I was too shy to show it to anyone. So now I'm saying screw it, whether the material sucks or not, I'm going to share it with the world. I hope it makes a positive impact in someone's life. If my words can inspire you, if they can make you laugh, if they can make you cry, then all of this will be worth it.

I know what it's like to feel alone. I know what it's like to feel worthless. As human beings, we're complicated creatures. There's a lot about us, a lot of life experiences, that make us unique. Going back to loving yourself, it starts with, in my mind, finding a passion. Find something that you love to do, that makes you feel good, that you have control of.

For me, it's a combination of writing rhymes and poetry, going to the gym, staying fit, eating clean, learning languages, etc. There's so many things I want to accomplish in this life, but I know I won't be able to do them all. So I'm trying to start with a few things to really hone in on, writing being the primary passion.

After over 6 months of meditating, I've been able to slowly become more confident, to accept things as they are, and live in the present. I still have bad days, but I get over them quicker. I still have negative thoughts, but I accept them and let them go easier. These are some of the things meditation teaches you, and I'm doing my best to apply it to everything in my life.

My mantra that I say every day during my breathing is this:

"This is for me. And for those around me."

I've only recently, over the past few years, realized that one of my abilities that not everyone has, is the ability to listen. To truly listen to someone. So, if anyone's reading this, and needs to talk, know that I'm an open book, and I'd be happy to talk to you. Let's spread some love and positive vibes into the universe, shall we?

-JTC