Steep Mountains

There's so much to see and do, sometimes it's hard to know if you're making the right decisions in life.

Life's Mountains

Steep are the mountains I wish to climb

Perilous adventures; oh so little time!

There's planes and paths I wish to see

Lost in the thoughts of all that could be

I know, I know, I can't do it all

But I wonder sometimes if this was my call

I wonder too what life could have been

If I loved myself sooner and nurtured what's within

I do not become sad, resentful, or bitter

For I know it was necessary for me to write this letter

--

There's just so many people, places, and things to see! Too much.

It's funny, I was in the shower the other day, and the first line popped up in my head. I kept repeating it over and over so I wouldn't forget. The rest flowed effortlessly once I sat down to write it. It's such an interesting sensation. It's almost like this rush, this beckoning, to get everything from your head onto paper as soon as possible. Sometimes the idea escapes me, sometimes I catch it at just the right time.

I guess there's a part of me that gets sad about certain things in life. I feel I have so much to offer, so much love to give, and part of me wants to share it with everyone. I know that's obviously unrealistic, but that's the point. I've known many great girls who would have been amazing partners. For whatever reasons, it didn't necessarily work out. For better or for worse, we went our separate ways. But I always wonder about what my life could have been if I stuck with a a former girlfriend, or if I had taken certain opportunities that were presented to me at different points in my life.

There simply needs to be a balance.

It's always interesting to wonder what could have been, or maybe sometimes you feel what should have been. Regardless, there's a comfort in knowing, in believing, that whatever doors close, are being closed for a reason. Even if it really hurts. I've been there, but I've always been able to eventually grow from these experiences. It takes so much time.

The hardest thing, for me anyways, is to be gentle with yourself. To give the self-love you need. I know I can be my harshest critic. My inner dialogue to myself can be so mean. Why are we not partners here? I always come up with hypothetical negative situations in my head that didn't even happen. Simply put, I know I need to do a better job of this. And I know I'm not alone. Let's try to be nicer to ourselves. For not only yourself, but for those around you.

I know it's hard, but we have to try.

-JTC